I’ve been going through some files and I can’t help but share some of the stranger or more interesting stories from the world of men’s underwear. Here they are. Tell me what you think.
March 28, 2008: Dancing in Your Underwear Leads to Life of Crime
Remember Tom Cruise in Risky Business doing his “Old Time Rock and Roll” dance in his white briefs and socks? Later in the film, he got involved in prostitution, comically pimping. That’s right: the road from dancing in his briefs to crime was a short one.
Well, last year there was an assault and robbery at a McDonalds in Yonkers after a teen boy did a dance in his undies behind the fast foot restaurant’s counter. When a manager tried to stop the kid from doing his dance, the teen and friends beat the guy up and stole his wallet. Just going to show that dancing in briefs does indeed lead to crime. (How many will be victimized before we BAN THE BRIEF!)
July 17, 2009: Former Teen Undies Model Joshua Walters Busted
Yet, again, another tale (and perhaps “tail”) regarding a life of crime and men’s underwear. This time former hotshot male underwear model Joshua Walters found himself in cuffs due to the fact that he and a gang of guys robbed grocery stores and gas stations in the New York area. Walters and three cohorts were nabbed in a maroon Chevy van at 1:30 am by Queens cops as the officers identified the vehicle as one being reported in a rash of burglaries. By the way, Walters also made headlines a year earlier for having an affair with a second-grade teacher when he was in high school and fathering a child with her. The teacher lost her job.
January 18, 2009: Boxing Crime Out
The Jonas Brothers, yes that wonderful teen band that cannot sing or play musical instruments and who are exceedingly adored by pre-teen girls, has had to tighten security due to the fact that fans have been stealing their loose boxers. Concert-goers who think that the brother are hot have made the boy’s boxers hot items.
June 2, 2008: Wish I Thong of That!
Okay, so I call these guys the Thong Tongued Robbers. Two guys, each sporting a thong over his respective faces as a disguise, were caught on film robbing a store. It all happened in that wild a wacky state of Colorado. I have two questions. First, did they use female or male thongs? And second, were the thongs washed? Wouldn’t it be great if they both got herpes from their disguises?
So, where is the legislation to ban these instigators of crime: briefs, boxers and thongs? How long before they are eliminated from all stores and, if sold, offered the way other dangerous elements, such as drugs, alcohol and guns, are? By prescription or accompanied by a background check and license.
Did you ever notice that the plot of "Risky Business" is exactly the same as "The Cat in the Hat", except with hookers?
Posted by: Hans the Great | November 02, 2009 at 04:33 PM
I didn't know that! I wish the Cat in the Hat had hookers. The Lion King is Hamlet. That I knew.I wish the Lion King had hookers too.
Posted by: Paul | November 02, 2009 at 07:04 PM