Sometimes, someone will ask me what some of my interests are and when I say, "I'm really into men's underwear," they often give me with that "for reals?" look. Of course, I never clarify what I mean by being "into" men's undies. (I mean WHY destroy the illusion and the allusion?)
Last night, in the eve of the New Year, as the clock made its way towards the midnight hour and I was IMing folks in various time zones, I started compiling a list of New Year's resolutions related to one of my favorite subjects: men's underwear. (What can I say, there wasn't a whole lot of interesting conversation across the Net last night. I mean, let's face it, the IM circuit was mainly made up of all the losers like me who had nowhere to go on New Years.)
So as the midnight hour ticked down in the Mountain Time Zone (I'm the the Eastern) and my friend who I was IMing with fell instantly asleep at the midnight hour, I finished up my New Year's Undies Resolutions. Maybe you can relate to them or share some of yours with me and the others who read this blog.
NEW YEAR'S UNDIES RESOLUTIONS
10) To not use the fact that I have no clean underwear as a reason to buy new undies. I resolve to drop a bunch of briefs, bikinis and thongs into the washer and stay away from the undies rack.
9) To not let it bother me that some people think I'm a tad OCD because I have to coordinate the color of my underwear with my outerwear. I resolve to believe in myself and my right to wear the underwear of my choice. (I do live in America, where we have freedom of speech, religion and underwear selection as noted in the Bill of Rights.) "Give me free underwear choice or give me death!" said Dick Henry (Patrick Henry's Great, Great, Great Grandson [Actually, I heard he ain't so "great."]). "Live free undies or die," to paraphrase General John Stark. So my choice as an American is to color coordinate each and every day!
8) If I do leave the house with mismatched under-and-outer-wear because of a fashion disaster, then I resolve to try my best to still have a good day, to not squirm like a puppy who has worms and to not share my distress with perfect and imperfect strangers. (I will keep my focus. Really, I will.... Ummm...really...focus...Oh...onto number 7! Focus!)
7) In reference to number eight, I will stop thinking about number eight right now...stop thinking about the possibility that I might in the future wear mismatched unders and outers... and stop stressing about that future possibility RIGHT NOW! .... NOW! Okay. Onto number six... Ummm STOP, NOW! ok.
6) I resolve to never wear boxers again. Every time I try a pair, I end up clothe- lining a testicle or two and turning into a soprano for the worse part of an hour.
5) I resolve to always have clean underwear on hand and to never again go commando. Every time I do that, I end up crushing a testicle or two and turning into a soprano for the worse part of an hour.
4) I resolve to continue to workout and eat right everyday and to stay a size 32 (which I became four years ago, dropping down from a size 42) so that I still look damn fine in those thongs and bikini briefs.
3) I resolve to have no false underwear Gods before me, such as Andrew Christian and...ummmm...Andrew Christian. (Demigod...no prob but Gawd? Naw! Then again, his last name is "Christian." Hmmm?)
2) I resolve to never look like Alec Baldwin does his in boxers in the very funny and charming movie It's Complicated. I WILL NEVER GET TO THAT POINT. If I do, just shoot me. (And I don't mean with a camera.)
1) Next time I do a blog like this, I resolve to have 10 resolutions and not just nine.
Have a Happy New Year!
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